“You will only be defined by how you define yourself” ~ BLQuotes Many people have fears as a result of either been told they were not good enough, their good...
I thought being spiritual would limit me from living out my dreams… that my fear had caused more than it had earned me.
Why was my spirituality a fear to me you’d ask, and I’ll tell you 700 words isn’t sufficient for me to tell you why. But try I will.
You see my dear mum was a pastor – who loved God dearly. And raised me to love him equally, encouraged and rewarded to finish the entire bible at age 8. My childhood tales has it that I will not allow any service or church meetings – midweek services – escaped her attention, I was her Church Events Calendar. Also, she said I was baptized with the Holy Ghost at 7 – I could speak in tongues.
Yes! I also remember myself being glad to go to church, I remember getting lost in the books of Chronicles, Kings and Samuel, lost in awe and the magnificence of all God’s miracles. Also, I remember loving the book of Proverbs. There was one night when I read beyond my daily dawn and dusk bible text from the book of Proverbs 6:16-19, I asked, “How do I keep fasten your teachings around my neck, will you make me a chain with your teaching inscribed on it?” She smiled and wisely told me, “No I won’t make you a chain of my teachings, but you actions and obedience to them will be how I’ll fasten them around my neck.” Of-course I didn’t let her off easy that night I asked further questions, but her answers won’t and can’t be discussed here.
So, let’s fast-forward to 10 years later, I was in my 3rd year in college. When Lill Wayne’s Lollypop was an anthem and Drake’s Best I Ever Had was the most used ring tone. My love for God’s word in Proverbs had faded into my life’s background. As, my desire to be cool and have fun with the chicks, were incongruent with “Fastening my mother’s teachings around my neck”. This was when I became afraid of being spiritual and being cool simultaneously.
Then, like REM “I was losing my religion.” And, beyond just losing my religion like REM, I encountered philosophy, which worsened my case. You see, God didn’t make me to touch things half-heartedly. When I give my attention to anything, I give it more than the required 101%. So when I was done with University, I devoted myself to study philosophy and esoteric religions.
During this period, I made myself a simpleton, and announced my ignorance to the world, via social media. I wrote and posted articles that supports atheism. And, argued vehemently and passionately with anyone who will give an audience the fallacy of my ignorance that “God existed not.” In doing this I thought I was being cool.
I believe it’s important you understand my sense of cool. My sense of cool was being able to “be all I can be” without restriction. Like how Napoleon, Winston Churchill and Rockefeller did. And, to my knowledge then, I thought being spiritual would limit me from living out my dreams, which includes liking art and everything beautiful, and accomplishing my ambition.
This continued for 5 to 6 years, but in Late August 2017, I did a thorough review of my life, and it was both clear obvious beyond reasonable doubt that my fear of my spirituality had caused more than it had earned me. So, I surrendered my dreams and ambition to Christ. Yes, even my sense of cool also.
And, since I did, I have and am still enjoying exponential growth and success in areas that had been blocked and inaccessible to me for over 5 years. And, I still live my dreams and I am working towards accomplishing my ambition too. Because I’ve come to discover that it’s only with my spirituality that “I Cab Be All That I Can!”
I am Oluwafisayo Olajide, I am the dreamer who broke up with fear; I am now living my dream. Let’s dream together.
You can reach me on Instagram and twitter @phesighyo and on Facebook or find me with the hash tag #phesighyo.